Oh, boy. Just got the call from my mother at abour 9:30am, that we are gathering today and tonight to say goodbye to my grandmother. She has alheizmeiers, and has gotten worse and worse. Yesterday, when I saw her, she was barley breathing, and, according to my mom, not swallowing or eating. I know she is ready, and I'm happy she will be okay soon, but it is so hard.
My grandmother was everything to me. She taught me all the qualities I think are good in myself. I haven't been there, for many years. Not to mention I started my own family, but there was a lot of anger and hurt from things that someday I'll write a book on, but none was her doing. It wasn't her fault she was sick. Not her fault about my mother, or that I rebelled for a while. Not her fault. She was the reason I had a good childhood, or saw parts of the world. She encouraged me. She loved me, probably like no one else every has. She cared. And I love her. And the worst part for me, is that she is the only person in the world who DESERVED to know my little girl. Her great-grandaughter. And she remembered her name, sometimes, and kissed her, and talked to her. But she will never know that she was a monkey for halloween, or that her favorite cartoon is Gabba. She never get to go down the slide with Mady, or have dinner with her. Or have even a chance to be able to come to Mady's bday party (she was immobile). Yet, there are so many people in this world that take her, my daughter for granted. I wonder what my grandma would have given to be able to do all these things with her. What I would have given to seen her do these things with her.
Grandma, I promise to teach her everything you ever taught me. I will tell her how much you loved me, and retrace our footsteps with her someday. I will never, ever take her for granted, and I promise to cherish my time with her, and someday her children. You were amazing, and there aren't enough words, or tears to tell you how thankful I am, or how sorry I am. It's not fair, but I'm ok with it.
Thank you for my first BLT at the Woolworths counter. Yes, books are my friends, and I will never ruin one ever again. I can't wait to put her in Girl Scouts, and someday when we return to Girl Scout camp, I will tell her all of the great and wonderful times we had there. I will make her fried potatoes, even though I can't slice them or fry them like you. And we will make ice cream sundaes, and watch Picket Fences. I will have the biggest, best dress up box for her, and we will learn to sew together, in honor of you. I will cherish my memories of you forever. I promise. Everytime I remember a memory, I will write it down so I will have then. You were an amazing, strong beautiful woman. I'm proud you were my grandma. I'm so proud. And because of you, I am an amazing, strong beautiful woman, and Madyson will be too. I love you Grandma Ginny. I love you. Thank you.
Tianna R. Love
Ah, it's almost Friday.